What Makes a Mom “Awesome”? It’s Not What You Think
I was standing at a local event recently when another mom encouraged me to take my daughter dress shopping at a store her mom worked at.
“She’s awesome,” she said.
I paused for a second. “You mean the store is awesome?”
“No,” she said. “My mom is awesome.”
There was something about the way she said it that stayed with me. Not because I do not believe moms can be amazing, but because of the work I do every day as a clinical therapist and parent coach. For over a decade, I have sat with family members who love deeply and still feel disconnected. I have talked to hundreds of parents and teens who care about one another yet still keep their distance.
This time of year especially, I see how many moms are trying to show up fully for their families while quietly feeling burned out or disconnected themselves. It is one of the reasons I created “The Motherhood Reset,” a one-night event designed to help moms understand what is actually happening beneath the surface of that burnout and how to shift it in a way that lasts beyond Mother’s Day. Because most moms are not looking for more advice. They are looking for something that actually helps them feel different in the moments that matter.
So to hear an adult daughter describe her mom so simply and so confidently as “awesome” made me curious. What was happening in that relationship that felt so different for them?
I asked if she would be open to sharing more with me. She agreed, and what she shared was not a story of perfection. It was a story of real life.
“Elle” described early loss in her life, including the death of a boyfriend in a bike accident. She also talked about growing up as the oldest of three girls with a significant age gap, which led her to take on adult-like responsibility at a young age.
There were years when Elle did not have the perspective to see the bigger picture yet. As the oldest, she carried a lot of responsibility, especially when it came to helping with her younger sisters. At the time, she did not always feel like she had a voice in those moments or much control over what was being asked of her. It left her feeling like she had to grow up more quickly than she was ready for, without fully understanding why.
Later in life, she faced her own health crisis when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36. It was during that time that something began to shift. She found herself seeing her mother differently. Instead of focusing only on what felt missing earlier in life, she began to recognize what had always been there. A mother who showed up. A mother who cared. A mother who was still there to support her when she needed it most.
As we spoke, something became clear. Elle’s relationship with her mom was not built on everything going “right” all the time. It was built on how they made sense of what they had been through together.
This is where perspective matters.
Perspective is the way we think about our families, friends and loved ones. The lens we use to look at our parents, and the way our children look at us, shapes the emotional tone of the relationship. It grows when there is room to see both sides, to move beyond individual moments and to understand the bigger picture of who someone is and what they have been carrying. That space allows for understanding, empathy and deeper connection.
But perspective alone is not what makes a mom feel “awesome” to her child.
Elle was quick to point out that her mom is not perfect. What stood out to her was something much more meaningful. When her mom makes a mistake, she takes responsibility. She says she is sorry. She does not avoid it or explain it away. That simple act creates emotional safety. It allows Elle to feel comfortable bringing both the easy and the hard parts of her life into the relationship.
Emotional safety is what makes a relationship feel steady. It is what allows someone to stay open instead of guarded. It is not created through perfection. It is created through consistency, ownership and the ability to repair when needed.
This is where communication becomes especially important.
Communication is not just about what is said. It is about how a child experiences themselves within the conversation. Do they feel heard? Do they feel considered? Do they feel like they have some ownership in what is happening in their life?
When communication allows for autonomy and self determination, something shifts. Children and teens are more likely to stay open and engaged. They are more willing to participate rather than resist. They feel respected, not managed. And that feeling often stays with them long after the moment has passed.
Over time, in my work with families, I have seen that when there is understanding, a sense of voice and emotional safety, relationships begin to grow in a way that feels natural rather than forced.
Because relationships feel different when people feel understood. They feel different when there is space to have a voice. And they feel steady when it is safe to be real. These are not extras in a relationship. They are essential. Mother’s Day has a way of bringing these relationships into focus.
For some, it feels natural to celebrate. There is ease, warmth and a genuine desire to be together. For others, it can feel more complicated. There may be love, but also distance. There may be history that feels hard to move through. There may be a relationship that exists, but does not always feel comfortable.
Both experiences are real.
Elle’s story is a reminder that relationships can evolve. Perspective can shift. Understanding can grow. Emotional safety can be strengthened over time. It also reminds us that each relationship is shaped by more than one person.
The way we think, the way we communicate, and the way we show up for one another all matter. The relationships that tend to feel the strongest are not the ones without challenges, but the ones where these needs continue to be met over time.
For those who feel close to their mothers, this may simply be something to appreciate more deeply.
And for those who feel some distance, it may be an opportunity to reflect. Is there room to see something differently? Is there space for a conversation that feels more open or more honest? Is there a way to move toward greater understanding, even in small steps?
For the mothers reading this, it is a quiet reminder that the moments that build connection are often simple. Feeling understood. Having a voice. Knowing that it is safe to be real.
There is no perfect way to do this. There is only the opportunity to keep showing up in ways that support the relationship over time.
If this time of year brings up reflection for you, you are not alone. It is something many families are navigating in their own way.
I will be speaking more about these ideas at The Motherhood Reset, from 6 to 9pm on May 8 at Coastal Creative Studios in Huntington. It is a space for moms to walk away with a clearer understanding of their own patterns, along with practical ways to respond differently in the moments that matter most at home.
However you spend Mother’s Day, my hope is that it feels honest to where you are and supportive of where you want your relationships to go.
Deborah Winters, LCSW is a local mom, clinical therapist, parent coach and author specializing in helping modern families build emotional regulation and reduce conflict. She works with parents across the country to break generational patterns, navigate stress and raise emotionally healthy kids. Her event, The Motherhood Reset is a curated evening meant to help moms ease into Mother’s Day weekend; sign up here and follow Deborah on Instagram for updates.
Don’t miss a story
Get the latest news delivered to your inbox.
