What Makes a Mom “Awesome”? It’s Not What You Think
I was standing at a local event recently when another mom encouraged me to take my daughter dress shopping at a store her mom worked at.
“She’s awesome,” she said. I paused for a second. “You mean the store is awesome?” “No,” she said. “My mom is awesome.”
There was something about the way she said it that stayed with me. Not because I do not believe moms can be amazing, but because of the work I do every day with families. I sit with family members who love deeply and still feel disconnected. I talk to adults and teens who care about their parents yet still keep their distance. So to hear a grown woman describe her mom so simply and so confidently as “awesome” made me curious.
What was happening in that relationship that felt so different for them?
I asked if she would be open to sharing more with me. She agreed, and what she shared was not a story of perfection. It was a story of real life.
“Elle” described early loss in her life, including the death of a boyfriend in a bike accident. She also talked about growing up as the oldest of three girls with a significant age gap, which led her to take on adult-like responsibility at a young age. There were years where she felt resentment about what she described as a loss of parts of her childhood. Her experience was layered, emotional and, at times, heavy.
Later in life, Elle faced her own health crisis when she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36. It was during that time that something began to shift. She found herself seeing her mother differently. Instead of focusing only on what felt missing earlier in life, she began to recognize what had always been there. A mother who showed up. A mother who cared. A mother who was still there to support her when she needed it most.
As we spoke, something became clear. Elle’s relationship with her mom was not built on everything going “right” all the time. It was built on how they made sense of what they had been through together. This is where perspective matters.
Perspective is the way we think about our families, friends and loved ones. The lens we use to look at our parents, and the way our children look at us, shapes the emotional tone of the relationship. Perspective grows when there is room for understanding. It allows both sides to see beyond individual moments and into the bigger picture of who someone is and what they have been carrying.
But perspective alone does not create closeness.
Elle was quick to point out that her mom is not perfect. What stood out to her was something much more meaningful. When her mom makes a mistake, she takes responsibility. She says she is sorry. She does not avoid it or explain it away. That simple act creates a sense of emotional safety. It allows Elle to feel comfortable bringing both the easy and the hard parts of her life into the relationship. This is what creates emotional safety in a relationship.
Emotional safety is what makes a relationship feel steady. It is what allows someone to stay open instead of guarded. It is not created through perfection. It is created through consistency, ownership and the ability to repair when needed.
There was another important piece of Elle’s story. When she looked back on her adolescent years, she recognized that she did not yet have the perspective to see the bigger picture. At the time, she did not always feel like she had a voice, especially when it came to helping with her younger siblings. It left her feeling like she had to grow up more quickly than she was ready for, without fully understanding why.
This is where communication becomes especially important.
Communication is not just about what is said. It is about how a child experiences themselves within the conversation. Do they feel heard? Do they feel considered? Do they feel like they have some ownership in what is happening in their life?
When communication allows for autonomy and self determination, something shifts. Children and teens are more likely to stay open and engaged. They are more willing to participate rather than resist. They feel respected, not managed. And that feeling often stays with them long after the moment has passed.
In my many years of working with families in private practice, I have seen that when there is connection through understanding and perspective, a sense of self and autonomy through communication, and emotional safety through how we nurture and care for one another, relationships grow in a way that feels natural rather than forced.
Because relationships feel different when people feel understood. They feel different when there is space to have a voice. And they feel steady when it is safe to be real. These are not extras in a relationship. They are essential. This is what helps people create “awesome” memories and a home they want to return to.
Mother’s Day has a way of bringing these relationships into focus.
For some, it feels natural to celebrate. There is ease, warmth and a genuine desire to be together. For others, it can feel more complicated. There may be love, but also distance. There may be history that feels hard to move through. There may be a relationship that exists, but does not always feel fully comfortable.
Both experiences are real.
Elle’s story is a reminder that relationships can evolve. Perspective can shift. Understanding can grow. Emotional safety can be strengthened over time. It also reminds us that each relationship is shaped by more than one person. The way we think, the way we communicate and the way we show up for one another all matter. The relationships that tend to feel the strongest are not the ones without challenges, but the ones where these needs continue to be met over time.
For those who feel close to their mothers, this may simply be something to appreciate more deeply. And for those who feel some distance, it may be an opportunity to reflect. Is there room to see something differently? Is there space for a conversation that feels more open or more honest? Is there a way to move toward greater understanding, even in small steps?
And for the mothers reading this, it is a quiet reminder that the moments that build connection are often simple. Feeling understood. Having a voice. Knowing that it is safe to be real. There is no perfect way to do this. There is only the opportunity to keep showing up in ways that support the relationship over time.
If this time of year brings up reflection for you, you are not alone in that. It is something many families are navigating in their own way.
I will be speaking more about these ideas at The Motherhood Reset on May 8 at Coastal Creative Studios in Huntington from 6 to 9pm. It is a space for moms to pause, reflect, and learn practical ways to destress, while strengthening connection within their families.
However you spend Mother’s Day, my hope is that it feels honest to where you are, and supportive of where you want your relationships to go.
Deborah Winters, LCSW is a local mom, clinical therapist, parent coach and author specializing in helping modern families build emotional regulation and reduce conflict. She works with parents across the country to break generational patterns, navigate stress and raise emotionally healthy kids. Her event, The Motherhood Reset, a curated evening meant to help moms ease into Mothers Day weekend, will take place on May 8 , from 6 to 9pm at Coastal Creative Studios in Huntington. Sign up here and follow Deborah on Instagram for updates.
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